Sex before marriage… let’s talk about it.

Let’s do it.

If you say today, sex is for marriage you will get labeled as antiquated and out of touch with the times. Fornication, divorce, adultery, homosexuality, abortion, and broken homes have always existed, but never at the alarming rate of today.

For as long as I can remember, like any other Christian girl, I was taught the Bible says sex is for marriage, anything outside the context of marriage is fornication and adultery, it is sinful, and it leads to death. If you are still a virgin as you are reading this, I believe this information will help give you the strength to continue to save yourself for marriage. If you are not a virgin, don’t worry! I believe this information will help you to understand yourself better, and some of the battles you may be facing.

Did you know that men and women imprint on their first sexual experience, and that experience identifies them sexually for the rest of their life? Many people live their whole lives without knowing that the root of some of their relational problems derives from their first sexual experience.

Sex is a big deal especially for men, and if their first sexual encounter was within the context of lust, then they will live trying to re-live that first experience. Have you ever wondered why men could easily have sex with multiple women and it “doesn’t affect them“ “it doesn’t mean anything?” The reason is they imprint on the sex not on the woman, and that is why it is easy for them to interchange the woman. It is not about the woman it’s about the experience. When a man waits for his wedding day to have sex something different happens, he actually imprints on that woman.

When a woman has sex, she releases oxytocin the same hormone that she releases when she breast-feeds, and it is called the bonding hormone. Every time a woman has sex with a different man the level of oxytocin released drops. If her first sexual experience is with a man that just wants sex, and that is the re-occurring theme of sex without commitment, then eventually sex will no longer be the bonding experience it was meant to be.

Therefore, in a perfect scenario, on the wedding night when the couple has sex for the first time, the man will imprint on that woman, and she will be bonded to him.

According to a study by The Institute of Family studies, people that have had multiple sex partners before marriage are more likely to have a higher divorce rate and less happy marriages. The odds of divorce after 5 years of marriage with 0 premarital partners is 5%, with 1 partner is 20%, with 3-9 partners is 26%, with 10+ partners is 33%. There is a 5% divorce rate for two people who wait for marriage and are both virgins, regardless of their background or religion. That is the power of sex!

We live in a culture that doesn’t talk about this, on the contrary, we live in a day where most Americans think premarital sex is okay. The most common advice is to be “safe” while engaging in sex so that the woman doesn’t get pregnant and you don’t get diseases. If people really understood how much sex defines the rest of their life, would they continue to engage in sexual activities ask if it was nothing?

Let’s take a moment and go back to see what God has to say about this subject:
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;” – 1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13

We see through these verses that we can learn to control our bodies in a way that is holy and honorable to God. Also, God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can endure. It is not impossible, and it can be done, you can wait and not only because that is God’s way, but because it can also save you from much heartache. I heard a saying this past week, and it stuck with me “there is no condom for your soul” you may be protecting your body, but how are you protecting your heart and your emotions?

If you are a virgin, my prayer is that these words are encouraging to you and a reminder that it is worth it to wait.

If you are not a virgin, it is not over for you, God is giving you an opportunity to start over, and He is a God that makes all things new. Make a decision today to wait for the person that God has for you. He will give you the grace to overcome every temptation, allow the Holy Spirit to take control of your mind and body. Leave the past behind, look forward at all the things that God has planned for you.

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